Category Archives: Inspirational

YOU CAN MAKE IT

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Some people are lucky to be born into privileged homes. Some are lucky to be put on the favourable part of the earth. Such people have almost everything in their lives, so to say, guaranteed. They eat the best food, live in the best house, go to the best school and have a job handed to them on a golden plate. In short, for such people, ‘life is easy.’ 

For most people, however, life is not easy. It is never easy for a child born in a remote African village. The odds are against him right from conception. His struggles start as he tries to survive in his mother’s womb in a world where there’s no antenatal care for the impoverished mother. His entry into the world brings its hazards as his delivery is fraught with danger.

Then he toddles in his diaper as he tries to escape from vipers. As he matures, he sees that the world is full of opportunities but also sees obstacles. And he dreams big dreams. Then he realises he’s not privileged like his counterparts, but he knows he can make it. It’s not going to be easy. He doesn’t have to be told that. But nothing would stop him from realising his dreams.

Privileged people always want to block the ways of the less privileged. They don’t want them to reach the top so they can be subordinate forever. The game of life is neither fair nor easy. But as Jean-Jacques Rousseau says: “He who wills the end, wills the means also, and the means must involve some risks, and even some losses.” Go for it and give it whatever it takes.

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It is very easy to give up when you’re told: “You can’t make it, don’t even try.” This is even more discouraging when it comes from powerful people. Such people create situations to make you doubt your ability. They make themselves unreachable and unapproachable. But you must not let them kill your dream.

You can’t change where you’re born into, and sometimes, circumstances may force you to live in another place where they mount a seemingly immutable wall between you and opportunities. You are out of your comfort zone and now in a place where they regard you as an alien. You’re looked down upon. They give you the crumbs and keep the loaf. They expect you to be their servants and their cleaners. They want you to be a beggar so you can worship them.

Yes, it’s not easy when you’re disadvantaged. It is a big challenge when people try to deny you of opportunities because of your colour, gender, religion, ethnicity, belief, etc. But if you are determined to do something you will find the way to do it. Stay on the path to your goal. However hard they try to push you out of your path, stay focused. The world is made of good and bad people. There are many good people out there who are ready to help you in your pursuit of success. So don’t let people’s negative thoughts and behaviour take you out of your focus.

Work hard, pray hard, keep going, do your best and leave the rest in God’s capable hands. He will provide His Angels to guide you; walls will be taken down, obstacles will be removed and in the end, you will beat the odds.

ANGELS ALONG MY PATH

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ANGELS ALONG MY PATH 

Autobiography of an African Surgeon 

In those days, when I accompanied my father to fish and hunt at night, he told me so many inspirational stories. He gave me words of wisdom. I recalled one of the things he used to say: “If you do good, good will follow you. And in the time of your need, God will send his angels to you.” All through my childhood, and most of my early adulthood, I had sought these angels. I had imagined how they looked – winged creatures in white robes. As I matured, I soon realised that my angels wore no white robes. And they had no wings. They were the wonderful people whom God had used for my good cause.

Joe Kenogbon 

Every child growing up in a tiny African village has a dream. With unparalleled determination, strength, and more than a little help from the angels along his path, Joseph Kenogbon made his come true …  

They slaughter a goat to celebrate when Joseph is born. Finally, a son after two daughters. Such pride. And once his mother has recovered from the gruelling labour, not a nurse in sight, the nearest hospital two hours away, the whole village gathers to dance and sing. But expectations are low for the boy, growing up in Shabomi, a Nigerian village where one-in-three newborns die before their first birthday, and those who survive face the challenges of scarcity and disease. Life will be hard. He will sleep on a mat on the floor, eat with his hands, walk barefoot, and he isn’t expected to advance beyond a primary education. News of his birth doesn’t even reach his father for days, as he is breaking his back hundreds of miles away, logging in the jungle. 

But Joseph is no ordinary boy. From a young age, he excels academically, and after pulling a fishbone from his sister’s throat with a pair of taylor’s scissors and experiencing first-hand the highs and lows of the healthcare system in Nigeria, he decides that he will become a doctor. The men of Shabomi are fishermen and loggers; not doctors, but Joe is determined. He won’t just be a doctor; he will be the best, and he is taught early to put his faith in the Lord. If he is good, generous and kind, angels will give him all the helps he needs.

This proves to be true as he undertakes a journey that will take him from the civil-war ravaged villages of Nigeria, through an education system where bullying is rife and competition is fierce; through six long years of medical school, fighting for his position every day and literally running for his life amidst political demonstrations, as the city is set on fire and activists are gunned down.

But he makes it. Against the odds, he becomes a doctor, and the glory is with God, whose angels have always appeared to show him doors where once there were only walls, in the form of random encounters, warnings of danger, unbelievable synchronicities and more than once, life-saving interventions. He needs these interventions all the more as he begins his career in medicine, battling the superstitions of a country that blames curses for their ills and puts their faith in crooked healers, and as he navigates the corrupt world of Nigerian medicine and the macabre doctors interested only in profit, one of whom tries to have Joseph killed for ‘stealing’ his patients. But Joseph’s motivation is to cure unconditionally, which is why he is so in demand and able to build a lucrative private practice that will fund further surgical studies in the UK, taking him closer to his dream of being the best – being a renowned surgical consultant. 

His UK years prove just as challenging, and God’s help is just as crucial as he faces jealous co-workers, terrifying consultants, crippling bureaucracy, patients determined to sue him and racism – patients, but more damagingly from the institutions that refuse to employ him because of his colour, forcing him to take positions below his experience and qualifications. His training takes him all over the UK over many years, where he meets his wife and settles with their children, bringing love to his life but also financial pressure, forcing him to compromise his dreams more than once. But even his compromises bring him closer to his dream, although the goalposts keep moving and it often looks impossible.

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But his long journey eventually pays off. It has been a journey that has seen him chased by machete-wielding bandits, saved from snakes, car accidents and arrest, ridiculed and humiliated by those who were supposed to have overseen his development, as well as nurtured and supported by incredible figures who have only ever had his best interests at heart, including his ever-devoted parents. He not only lands a consultant position, but he goes on to run one of the most successful breast surgery departments in the country, chair the breast cancer multidisciplinary team, become lead surgeon in breast surgery, the chairman of the breast cancer steering group, tutor at the Royal College of Surgeons and honorary senior lecturer at the University of Sheffield. He also becomes a higher surgical trainer, passing his experiences and surgical principles to future generations. He is a gifted, highly respected surgeon of exemplary standing. He is the best. 

From humble beginnings, he excelled, worked hard, learned difficult lessons and always put his faith in God. In return, the path was shown to him, by God, a loving family and the angels that appeared to deliver him in times of need, allowing him to realise all his dreams, and for that he is truly grateful. 

Angels Along My Path h

Copyright 2021

Author Joe Kenogbon 

Publisher Olympia Publishers London 

ISBN-10: 1788309758

Available at Amazon and major bookshops 

https://amzn.to/2YjeVxu

A WAKE-UP CALL

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A WAKE-UP CALL

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With a brain made up of millions of neurons,

Humans claim to be intelligent;

What about the virus?

A creature so tiny that ordinary eye cannot see,

And has no brain like human’s,

Yet can invade at will,

And find its way into the human body,

To make a meal of him.

Joe Kenogbon

The COVID-19 pandemic, otherwise known as coronavirus pandemic, is ongoing. The disease, first reported in Wuhan, China in December 2019, has rapidly spread globally and the World Health Organisation (WHO) declared it as a pandemic on 11 March 2020. As at the time of writing, over seven million people all over the world have been reportedly affected, resulting in close to half a million deaths.

Coronaviruses are a group of related RNA viruses that cause diseases in mammals and birds. In humans, these viruses cause respiratory tract Infections that range from mild to life-threatening. Mild illnesses include some cases of common cold (which can also be caused by other viruses, mostly rhinoviruses), while more aggressive varieties can cause SARS, MERS, and COVID-19 with fatal consequences. Severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2) is the strain of coronavirus that causes coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19), a respiratory illness. It is said to be the successor to SARS-CoV-1. SARS-CoV-2 is a positive-sense single-stranded RNA virus, which is highly contagious in humans. The virus primarily spreads between people through close contact and via respiratory droplets produced from coughs or sneezes. Transmission occurs within a range of about 1.8 metres (6 ft). Indirect transmission can occur via contaminated surfaces.    

When COVID-19 broke out many governments and individuals played it down regarding it as a flu that would soon die out. In a sense, one could understand this initial attitude to this virus that is now threatening human existence since there has been no such pandemic causing so much devastation in recent times. And I guess, some of us trusted on scientific knowledge, economic and military power. With the benefit of hindsight, perhaps we should have been more proactive. This pandemic has now turned out as a real threat to our existence. It has brought significant changes to our socio-economic and family dynamics, and I wonder if life will ever be the same again.

There are ongoing studies to further understand the character of this novel virus. Although it is understood to be a human to human transmission there is no consensus as to the true origin of the virus and how it has rapidly spread to become a pandemic. Nearly six months into the pandemics, many more people are still affected daily and the crisis rages on with unabating lethality. And sadly, despite the billions of dollars that have been spent there are as yet no vaccines or antiviral to prevent or effectively treat COVID-19 infection.

As I reflect over our LIFE in the past few months, I cannot but think about our mortality. We spend trillions of dollars on weapons of mass destruction with one country threatening the other and spending so much on nuclear weaponry. Now we have coronavirus, a creature so small that it cannot be seen by the human eyes, and has no brain like humans, yet can invade at will and find its way into the human body to make a meal of him. We are nothing but bodies of CLAY that are kept alive by borrowed air that can pop in an instant like a bubble and return us to an empty sculpture to be consumed by mother earth. 

There is so much hatred and cruelty in the world. People are tortured, maimed and killed because of their colour, belief, gender and other personal issues. COVID-19 is no respecter of status, colour or creed. It has affected royals and heads of government, rich and poor, educated and uneducated, masters and slaves. As I watch the victims with their bodies placed side by side ready to be committed to the earth, I shake my head in awe. These were men and women who had once boasted wealth, power and authority, now reduced to mere bodies. 

COVID-19 has shaken the whole world, warning us that LIFE on earth could be wiped out by a viral pandemic rather than a nuclear apocalypse. This is an anxious moment – time for everyone to wake up to reality. LIFE on earth is short and fragile. All that we die for or kill others to have is nothing but vanity. Every minute, hour or day we have is a privilege and we must make the best use of it showing love to fellow human beings. I believe this is the time for everyone of us to reflect. Hopefully, the pandemic will be over, but I hope it has changed our outlook to LIFE and our fellow human beings. We are all humans, irrespective of our colour or gender, socio-economic status, religious or other beliefs – we are all visitors on earth with the same destiny.

Why I Like To Read

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Why I Like To Read

Like most people, I went to school to read and write. I should add, and to learn how to add, subtract, multiply and divide. As I continued with my education, my knowledge increased beyond the basics. I learnt about nature, living and nonliving things, and how they interact one with the other. Life became more interesting. I heard and read stories about people who had lived before me, and their activities: human atrocities, wars, natural disasters, scientific discoveries and so on. The more I read about all these, the more I wanted to know.

There’s another thing that I read about. Even as far back as my elementary school days, it fascinated me to read books that the authors had written from imagination, what we know as fiction. I can still remember some of those books that I read as a child. These were mystical stories that portrayed myths, magic and adventure, particularly those relating to my native African culture, custom and beliefs. As a young boy, I wanted to be like one of those heroes that I had read about. Whilst it frightened me to read about a monster, fairy, or demons, I admired the heroes who attempted to tackle these imaginary supernatural beings.

I have read novels that have kept my heart racing and those that have brought tears into my eyes. I have read those that made me laugh and those that made me marvel at human cruelty. I have also realised that human thoughts can be expressed in poetry. I have learnt life skills from reading these thought-provoking poems, many of which have influenced my view about nature and my fellow human beings.

To determine if erectile dysfunction is to acknowledge the problem and to seek help. look here purchase cheap viagra Tomatoes cleanse your prostate of viagra uk infectious bacteria. 7. This is the best thing that can help you delay it cheap levitra is dapoxetine. Reviews on Zenerx show that this product can really fix your problems, the answer is undoubting “yes.” The fact that Vigrx plus is superior to order viagra overnight in the future. When I was in education, my readings were more of academic stuff geared towards passing my examinations. And after graduation, most of my readings were for my professional development. As a medical doctor my job is busy, but I have not let that take away my love for reading. I strongly believe that you can always make time for your passion. I always purchase not only the paperback edition of the books that I like, but also their ebook and audio edition. I enjoy listening to the audio of my favourite books. I find audiobook particularly useful when driving to and from work in a busy traffic. It takes away my stress and makes my driving enjoyable whilst also enables me to maintain driving discipline. It is also a good way to deal with my stressful and busy job.

Reading has become an invaluable part of my everyday life. If, for whatever reason, I fail to read in a day, I feel as if there’s something lacking. It is not hard for me to find what to read. I regularly check my favourite author’s page on Amazon for their new books or books that I have not purchased. Depending on where I am or what I am doing, I will either read the paperback, the ebook or listen to its audio.

People measure whether someone is educated or not by the number of examinations he or she has passed, or the number of qualifications. I have no problems with that. I, myself, have at least a dozen letters in front of my name. However, whilst educational qualifications are commendable, they do not necessarily make a person to be educated. Put a child in a good school in the right environment and he or she would make good grades. I believe that a truly educated person is one whose knowledge is wider than the scope for passing examinations or all the letters in front of his or her name. Such a person feeds himself daily by reading far wider than the scope of his or her academic knowledge.

Everyone can develop a reading habit. It is a matter of making a conscious determination to make time for reading. You can always find a book that you will enjoy reading. As J. K. Rowling puts it, “If you don’t like to read, you haven’t found the right book.”

WHY I WRITE

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WHY I WRITE

Someone once asked me, “Why do you write?”

“Well, it’s because I enjoy writing,” I replied.

“How do you find the time to write, given that you have a busy job?” she asked.

“I make time for it,” I replied.

That was not the first time that someone has asked me about my writing. So many people have asked me the same question after reading my books. It is all about interest. My passion for writing dated as far back as my secondary school days, when I regularly wrote short stories and poems in the school magazine. As I grew up, I realised that to be a good writer, you should be a good reader. I have read several books of various genres over the years. The more I read, the more I like to write.
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As a child, growing up in Africa was a challenge in many ways. I had the privilege of spending my time both in rural and urban Africa, with opportunity to experience the ethno-cultural as well as religious diversities. Moreover, I grew up in a large family where love blossomed. I emigrated to Europe as an adult. This has brought a new set of challenges and impacted my views about relationships. Day by day, I see the complexity of human character and the strength of human spirit.

Whilst, no doubt, passion is one factor, motivation is equally important. My experiences both in Africa and Europe, provide a rich source of materials for my writing. I am always eager to share these in writing. As a medical doctor, my life is busy. Still, I make time not only to write but also to read and to be with my family and friends.

It’s also about organising your time. Nature endowed everyone of us with only twenty-four hours in a day. You can always set aside a fraction, no matter how small, of these hours for your writing. I do most of my writing in the early hours of the morning. With other members of the family still in bed, I can focus on my writing without any distraction. I also seize every opportunity that becomes available for writing. For example, I edited my latest novel, OKAMBI on the plane en route to a Spanish holiday. Likewise, I wrote most of my novel, DR BRAVER in a hotel. I checked into the hotel that was too noisy for a peaceful sleep. So I took the opportunity to write. DIVINE HOPE and DUTY OF CANDOUR were other novels that I wrote in similar situations.

Modern technology is great for writers. I find my smartphone and tablet particularly useful. I wrote most of my poems on my mobile devices. The idea to write my poetry book, PAGES OF MY HEART occurred to me when I visited Africa. As I walked up and down my birthplace, I remembered how we used to gather under the mango tree. Whilst there, I drafted the poem, UNDER THE MANGO TREE with my Note App and made it one of the poems in PAGES OF MY HEART. My faith inspired me to write ONE FOR THE LORD, another poetry book.

No matter how busy you are, you can always find time do your writing. It’s a matter of passion, combined with dedication and discipline. You can do a self-audit, looking at how you spend your own twenty-four hours. It will amaze you how much of your time goes unaccounted for. This, or part of it, is all you need for your writing.

WHAT’S ON HER MIND?

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WHAT’S ON HER MIND?

See, she sits down there
With a pensive stare.
I have seen her like that before:
Face squeezed up in a pore.
I ask myself,
What’s on her mind?

She’s been silent all day,
Going from room to room.
She opens one drawer,
And closes it with a hiss.
I look away, knowing there’ll be no kiss.
But what’s on her mind?

One minute ago there was laugher,
And she danced after.
Now she bangs the door,
As she stamps her feet on the floor
Like she is at war.
I ask myself,
What’s on her mind?

She has just prepared the meal,
Sweet delicious meal of veal,
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“Thanks,” I learn to say.
Then she stands and away,
And I ask myself,
What’s on her mind?

Now it’s end of the day,
Time to sit together to play.
She looks down from the stairs
In flaming stares,
With a duster in her hand;
And again I ask myself,
What’s on her mind?

Books are written to be read,
And I’m a good reader.
Give me a book and I will read it;
Please don’t give me your mind,
‘Cause I can’t read it.

 

Excerpts from Pages of My Heart: Book One

CLICK to listen to the Audio Sample

CAN YOU TRUST?

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fullsizeoutput_20a0CAN YOU TRUST?

When you go to a restaurant, you expect to have a meal that has been prepared in a hygienic manner. You don’t ask the pilot to show you his license when you board a plane. You assume that he is certified to fly you safely. You don’t ask for papers to confirm that the plane has had regular services, and it is safe to fly. The taxi driver waits for you holding up a piece of paper with your name written on it. You follow him to the parking lot and expect that he has a valid driving license, and he is an authentic taxi driver.

Imagine attending your doctor’s surgery one day. “What can I do for you today?” the doctor asks. “Oh, before we start, can you show me your certificate?” you reply. Of course, that does not happen under normal circumstances. You don’t ask your doctor or dentist to show you his medical certificate before treating you. It’s all to do with trust.

Your child jumps on you. You hold her up, throw her up several times and even turn her upside down. She smiles with pleasure and urges you, “Again, dad.” Then she sits on your laps as you tell her stories. She doesn’t argue. After all you are her parent. She doesn’t have to read any book about trust. She probably even doesn’t know the true meaning of, and what it takes to trust. But she trusts you anyway. She trusts her parents to take a good care of her, to love and protect her.

Someone whom you believe not to like you invited you to a dinner. Would you accept the invitation or would you find excuses to turn him down? What about when you have just started a job? One of your new colleagues smiled at you when you entered the office. She even made you a cup of tea with biscuits. Within minutes, she told you everything about everybody. The other colleague gave only a brief smile. She talked a little but simply concentrated on what she was doing. Which of these two colleagues would you trust?

Trust is an important attribute in our life as human beings. As a matter of fact, it is fundamental to the human web. It is the strand that knits together the fabric of what we know and recognise as society. Good relationships are based on trust. Trust goes beyond relationships between two persons or among family members. It goes beyond racial, religious or ethnic bounds.

As a growing child, I saw the world as a beautiful place. I was surrounded by families and friends that showed nothing but love and care. Now grown up, I marvel at what people do to their fellow human beings. I could not understand how people who once lived together and did everything together suddenly became enemies, burning neighbours’ houses, slaughtering their children and causing many untold havocs. I see the trust I once had in my fellow human beings eroding on a daily basis. The world no more looks like the one I was born into. It gets worse everyday. Then I ask myself. “Can I really trust anyone? Can I trust people?”

One day, my friend visited me. “Did you know that Tom and Philippa are going through a divorce?” he asked. “Oh!” I replied. “He told me to keep it secret,” he continued, “but I believe that I must tell you since Tom is our friend.” “Oh!” I replied again. It is true that Tom is our mutual friend. As a matter of fact, I knew about Tom and Philippa’s struggle with their marriage. But Tom told me to keep it to myself, just like he told our friend, Franklin. He trusted us with his secret.

What does it really mean to trust? According to the Cambridge Dictionary, this means “to believe that someone is good and honest and will not harm you, or that something is safe and reliable.” The Oxford Dictionary defines it as “to believe in the reliability, truth, or ability of” the person. Merriam-Webster’s Learner’s Dictionary defines trust simply as “belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.” Trust thus encompasses an assured reliance on someone including his character, truth, strength and ability to keep one’s secret. It is that duty that is created by trust that a person keeps to be deemed trustworthy.
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Some people trust easily. But for some other people, trust can be an enigma. There are many reasons while people may find it hard to trust or not to trust at all. When you have been hurt or disappointed by people you have once trusted, you don’t want to trust again. This cannot be more true than in relationship situations, business transactions, political leaders, sports teams, etc. If you were a woman who had suffered an abusive relationship you would fear to trust another man with your love. The reality is that, as long as we live, we are going to be in situations when we will have to decide whether to trust or not to trust.

We can make better choices about who and when to trust by trying the following principles:

Give Yourself Time to Think. Avoid making important decisions on impulse. It is always best to step back and give yourself time to consider all the aspects of the decision you are about to make. Think of the benefits but also consider what is at stake. You may need to do your own investigations about the person and seek the opinion of a friend with trusted judgment.

Beware of the Smooth Operators. These are people with sweet tongue. They can talk you into doing anything. They are the typical hard sellers who will want you to trust that you have got a good bargain. They may even make it look like what you are about to buy is scarce, just to lure you. Similarly, someone who wants to form a relationship with you may appear to be the nicest person on earth.

Beware of Fast Movers. If you have just met someone and, straightaway, he wants to be your best friend or lover, you need to be careful. Take your time to know the person well before committing yourself. Better to have a few friends that you can trust than lots of untrustworthy ones.

Probe into the person. What is this person really about? Does he want you for his own selfish benefit? Some people want to form a relationship with you for what they want to gain. They don’t care about what you gain or lose in forming that relationship. They are good at projecting false images of themselves. They may even flatter you to make you feel good. You need to ask yourself, Is this person really what he seems to be? Can we live together? Have we got common values? From talking to him, does he sound like someone who could keep a secret? What is his past like? Is he always criticising people? Is he contemptuous of other people? Has he got close friends or family? Does he like to help people? These are some of the questions that are worth asking yourself to enable you look beyond the superficial appearance of the person and discover his true nature to decide whether you can trust him.

Your Gut Feeling. You may feel an instant connection with somebody. You can’t ignore your emotions. But be cautious. Don’t make that the sole reason for your decision to trust. Your emotion can cloud your judgment. Take other factors into consideration as well.

In the world that we live, there is always going to be people who would hurt us. We can’t but form relationships. We just have to be more careful about who we trust.

WHAT CAN YOU DO WHEN SOMEONE DOES NOT LIKE YOU?

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IMG_0358When you get on the bus or train, or walk into an office, the looks on people’s faces tell, more than words, that they do not like you.It is everywhere: on the road, on the bus, in the supermarket queue, at work, in the hospital, at the children’s playground, at the pub, at the church and even in our own family settings.

People are abound who do not like you. Such people do everything not to like you, even when you do everything you can for a better relationship. They may not like you for reasons of race, beliefs, gender and sexuality or several other reasons. But people can also dislike you for reasons that you cannot understand. Ironically, even if you ask them why they dislike you, they cannot come up with any tangible reason.

Look at the situation with Lucy Davies, for instance. Her boss was after her. There was nothing that Lucy could do right, as far as Sister Simpson was concerned. She followed Lucy everywhere, looking not only over her shoulders but also into her throat. Like Lucy, Dr Chuks suffered in the hands of his boss who saw nothing good about him. Dr Braver did everything to frustrate Dr Chuks despite the fact that he was a fantastic surgeon. Likewise, Sister Barnes was at Nurse Simmonds throat even when she tried to give her patient some hope.

We all encounter people who do not like us in our daily lives. But people do not have to like you. Likewise, you don’t have to like them. Sometimes we are stuck with such people at home and at work, and they challenge our lives. Of course, we feel bad if people do not like us. It is human to feel that way. After all, we human beings are social animals. We feel love and affection. It upsets us when someone shows the opposite. Moreover, we need each other to survive, and so we form friendships as we journey through schooling, childhood and throughout our professional careers.

But what do you do when someone does not like you? In certain situations, whether someone likes you or not doesn’t matter, and you should not let that stress you. This is the case, for instance, when someone gets up from the seat on the bus because you try to sit next to him, or pulls face when you stand next to him on the supermarket queue. Likewise, the guy who pulls his face just because you are different should not bother you. Those people don’t matter and you can choose to ignore them and let them live with the guilt.

What about in those situations when you are “stuck” with someone who does not like you? Such is the situation when you have to live with a difficult or unreasonable boss on whom your future largely depends. It’s easy to let a person with a challenging behaviour ruin your life unless you have effective ways for dealing with him. I have found the following strategies helpful in those difficult situations:

Calm down

The first rule when dealing with a difficult person is to keep your cool. You can deal with most situations if you follow this golden rule. When a person does something bad towards us out of their dislike for us we feel angry or upset. During that charged moment it is pretty easy to overreact. The first rule in the face of an unreasonable person is to maintain your composure. When you feel angry or upset with someone, calm down lest you say or do something you may regret later. The less reactive you are, the more you can engage your faculty to better manage the situation.

Keep your distance

Some situations are not worth the fight. Don’t waste your valuable time tussling with unreasonable people. Unless there is much to lose, don’t try to change or convince such people. Keep your distance when you can, but when you have to interact with them, be diplomatic.

Diligence

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Avoid gossips

It is common in workplace for people to gossip about a difficult boss. Try not to take part in gossips. The same person who tells you something about your is the one who will pass what you have said to him. You will maintain your dignity and self regard by avoiding gossips.

Be proactive rather than reactive

It is very easy to make a wrong judgment about a person just because we believe that he does not to like us. When the person makes an honest criticism, we may see it as part of his dislike even when such criticisms are for our own good. You should view every situation with objectivity, minimise misinterpretation and channel your time and energy towards problem-solving. Avoid direct confrontation.

Try a bit of humour

When used appropriately, humour can be a powerful weapon to disarm a person with difficult or unreasonable behaviour. Dr Chuks, for instance, utilised this tool when he attended Dr Braver’s Christmas party. “What do you give your dogs in Africa?” Dr Braver asked, wanting to ridicule his African colleague as he devoured the pork shin. All the guests turned their attention at the African doctor. But before they could laugh to embarrass him, Dr Chuks replied, smiling, “Oh, we give them chocolate.” All the people burst into laughter. Even Dr Braver could not resist joining in, laughing and clapping.

Stand up to Bullies

As discussed above, you should pick our fights as not all situations are worth the fight. However, you should confront bullies when it is safe to do so. By so doing, you will reduce or eliminate their threatening behaviour, which will ultimately help to increase your confidence and give you peace of mind. Bullies tend to pick on weak ones. It is also to be noted that whilst bullies show an outward aggressiveness they are cowards on the inside. When someone they have perceived to be weak stand up to them they often back down.

Someone is always there

Finally, be encouraged that nothing lasts for ever, even your interaction with someone who does not like you. Sometimes all you have to do is to simply wait and someone else will fight your fight. Dr Chuks, for instance, was lucky to have Dr Saints taking on Dr Braver. Likewise, Samantha Guest had to fulfil her duty of candour to Lucy Davies and Angela Fletcher brought hope to Gail Simmonds.

Mr Sluggard

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imageThe Lazy Man’s Life

The cock crows, announcing the dawn of a new day. Mr Sluggard tucks himself further into his blanket. “It can’t be dawn so soon,” he murmurs. He has been in bed since seven the previous night, yet he wants to sleep for one more hour. Mr Sluggard’s friends knock at his door. “It’s time to go to the farm,” they announce. As the door handle turns, Mr Sluggard turns in his bed and yawns, “Oh, how I wished it could rain so I could sleep more.”

In my place they say, “The lazy man calls for it to rain.” When it rains it really pours. It’s like bullets have hit you, and the footpaths are impassable. So, much as farmers need water for their plants to grow, too much rain is bad for them. One can understand, therefore, how the saying walked into our everyday communication. Mr Sluggard knows this and he prays that it rains heavily.

“We can’t wait any longer,” his friends warn him. “We will leave you if you don’t get up.” He drags himself to the window. He yawns gain, and after scratching his head, turns to his friends. “There was a prowling lion on the road to the farm the other day. It’s a fierce lion. It nearly got me.”

“Ha ha ha,” his friends laugh. Unable to persuade him, Mr Sluggard’s friends leave him to slumber. Now it’s midday. He yawns as he looks through the window. “Why has it not rained?” he asks. Then he hobbles into his kitchen. Nothing to eat. He can’t cook. The sink is full of unwashed utensils. “This will do,” he says to himself, as he takes a bite on the previous day’s left over cocoyam.

Weeks have passed. It is a beautiful day. Mr Sluggard trudges to his farm with a stomach full of cassava. He can’t find the entrance to his farm. Weeds have overtaken the small farm, forcing life out of the crops. “I will need a very sharp cutlass,” he says to himself, as he turns back to return home.
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He stands before the coconut tree and pleads, “Please drop a coconut, for I like the sweat taste of the coconut.” Nothing happens. He hisses and finds a group of people playing Ayo game. He joins them, hoping someone will bring a keg of palmwine. That’s how he spends his day.

Now it’s harvest time. His friends bring home loads of maize, cassava and yams, produce of their hard work. Their barns are full of yams. Mr Sluggard stands outside his friend’s house, his mouth watering, as they pound the yam. He knows exactly when to visit his friend. After clearing his throat, he remarks, “These yams are really matured. I’m sure they will be really tasty.” He knows his friend will always welcome him to dinner. After stuffing himself, and now looking like a python that has swallowed an elephant, he packs all the leftovers so he may have something to eat the following day.

He turns himself into a beggar, living at the mercy of his friends. He becomes the visitor who always turns up at dinner time, and the friend who doesn’t ever have, burrowing money here and there. He watches his children growing up to become servants and his whole family becomes a laughing stock.

That’s the life of a lazy person. The person who is unwilling to work or do something will always find an excuse. The time is never right for the sluggard. But laziness goes farther and more dangerous than the prowling lion. The body is wonderful. It does whatever you want it to do. The less you do, the less you want to do and the more useless you end up.

No one is born with laziness. It’s simply a habit we pick up as we grow up. But it’s a habit that can sometimes be deadlier than a disease. To overcome laziness, you need to make conscious efforts to change your habit. It is not an incurable disease. After all, it’s only a habit. Start by taking small steps towards change. Don’t yield to bodily comfort when you should be up on your feet to face what life throws at you. Don’t be like Mr Sluggard who keeps making excuses that render him useless. If only Mr Sluggard would realise that nothing comes easy. Don’t frighten yourself from the chances of success by imagined difficulties. There’s no excuse for failure. It takes courage and determination to ignore our physical comfort. Sometimes all it takes is just a little push and you are up and going. Try it and you will be a winner.